I decided to look back at my archives for my blog and found that I really did write about the most inane things. Most of the time though I wasn’t even writing! I just shared others opinions on beer or recipes to make things with beer. ( I originally thought the world needed a female voice to talk about the developments in craft beer in the uk. Turned out 2 years later that most certainly wasn’t the case. )
The other things are still relevant like my struggles with the Greek language but they didn’t garner much interest because they really were diary entries. I do occasionally look back and edit them but I think it’s more a record for posterity than anything else.
The other key point is my struggle with autism and coming to terms with how that affects my life. I have a friend who wrote at length about her difficulties and it was very popular and I tried to emulate her. I still post on my blog about my dilemmas but it doesn’t gain any views as it’s a free blog. She no longer posts on hers as her child takes up all of her time.
The third point was my absolute fear of both being childless but also being a parent. It’s one of those things that nothing can ever prepare you for and I just couldn’t comprehend my life to the point that I couldn’t make a decision either way. In some way I was hoping that nature would make the decision for me and I think it has. After 5 years of under going subfertility investigations I decided that was enough and I wasn’t going to under go ivf. I had heard many tales of unsuccessful attempts but none of success. I also knew the rate wasn’t too successful and with my increasing age, it would just continue to plummet. It’s a difficult issue to accept as no one ever expects to not get pregnant. We hear lots of stories about what happens if you get pregnant too young so we’re all indoctrinated about safe sex. However the other side is never told. The what happens if you don’t have children for whatever reason. This is something you can’t ever escape for your constantly bombarded with adverts for ovulation and pregnancy tests, Thankyou YouTube. Television is no better or any other form of entertainment. We’re all expected to procreate at some point and we’re deemed unworthy and some how incomplete or broken if we cannot.
What is a girl to do against this backlash?