This is a curious phenomenon that generally affects women. Folklore has it that if you suddenly start doing it your either pregnant or about to give birth. Now I’m going to set the record straight for what Nesting actually is – hormone related anxiety.
You can nest while not being pregnant as women commonly do this when they are missing their spouses or some other close family relation. My mother has always done it as she has always tided my clothes in the wardrobe to within an inch of their lives. She does this to cope with missing me, my brother and her only grandchild. It’s extraordinarily painful for her and it’s extraordinarily painful for me too. To this end I have tried to avoid this heartache. There is however only so much you can drink, go on holiday, stay at other people’s houses and generally avoid the issue. I nest too and I’ve never been pregnant. I have however started to employ another of her mechanisms which is to cook because that is not a thing I tend to often do.
Nesting is a very real desire to control that which you cannot control by cleaning, tidying, preparing and making sure everything is in order in your life and home.
To this end you can’t fix the problem because you didn’t create it. However, your natural state of being is amplified by your hormones. It makes you seem almost neurotic and paranoid. This is not a good state of mind to be in. Your maternal instincts are strong and there kicking in yet there is no one to protect. It’s another version of the fight or flight response but this one is uniquely feminine. It has its benefits because a babies immune system is immature at best plus your so tired from lack of sleep your grateful for having a stock of necessary items.
This is not useful though if there is no baby involved like with myself. I have been writing a lot recently but when that is done for the day, I obsessively shop to find the best outlets for my prospective house move. There are in fact no supermarkets in walking distance and it’s quite a trek by bus as they expect everyone in that area to drive a car. It’s primarily residential and it’s where the locals live instead of students or immigrants which is the rest of my city. So there is that.
The cooking is due to all the food I have collected trying to get outside exercise and the cleaning is due to several viewings of my house. It has to be showhome clean and tidy at all times. This is a big ask for me as it stops my creativity. Dressing a house constantly and being absent for viewings is no mean feat in the wind, rain and cold of an English winter.
I do not expect this situation to change anytime soon so I will continue to watch my shows and read until this particular storm has abated.
Can you lose your native language as an adult?
I’ve been fascinated by adults in Greece who can speak both Greek and English to native levels yet as they get older they stop being able to do both. This has perplexed me in the UK too with people who learnt languages fluently at a young age yet can no longer speak the language.
This isn’t just related to an average person though. If you look at Ricky Martin’s career he speaks with his native accent in Spanish and English but then he moved to the US and gets married to an American. His accent changes so drastically that he can’t even sing his own back catalogue properly anymore!
Luckily this change can be reversed as on his most recent song he is back to sounding how he used to when he was younger.
As the article above suggests it’s all to do with emotions. If you associate positive emotions with a language and a specific purpose then you are more likely to remember it. If however you try to use a language for another purpose like your native language for work purposes in an English speaking country your likely to fail. Too much mental control is required for this to occur.
When I was just starting out to cook for my self I made the usual student meals. Everyone knew that bacon and cheese were wonder foods that could pretty much rescue anything disaster that you happen to make in the kitchen. Bacon was also the cure if you had drunk too much. What those experiments teach you is the importance of salt and fat to your food.
You don’t realise this then as the object of food then is fuel that is to be cooked quickly and eaten just as quickly so you can get on with whatever activity you were doing before.
I also realised why you always eat pancakes with honey and lemon. There soft, sometimes chewy but also crispy and sweet so all your taste buds are covered.
I’ve have had Hugh Fernley Whittingstall’s 3 good things cookery book for a while. It’s another textbook sized cookbook that goes into detail about the ingredients that chapter is focused on. I’ve used it quite a lot as it’s simple and quick to put together but the results are amazing. I have his River Cottage cookbook and his Bread cookbook too. Bread is a thing the British don’t do particularly well as anyone who has even eaten a slice of white sliced bread will know.
I also like Jack Monroe as I bought her first book about cooking on a budget. She it turns out is autistic and has some Greek heritage too so that might have something to do with it. It’s a good book as the receives are simple to follow and there all costed and portioned well. They use some unusual ingredients like tinned peaches but if your as limited on funds as she was you have to improvise.
Another one of my favourite chefs is Jamie Oliver as when he first came on the scene he was known as the Naked Chef due to his stripped down style of cooking. He has made many a book and program since his Jamie’s Great Britain but I find this a brilliant book.
I also have a Readers digest book on potatoes which I find quite authoritative when coming up with new ideas for what to do with spuds.
I thought I would list the best books that I have found for autistics to use so that they can learn some independence. It works for students just as well as there are no fancy ingredients unlike Nigella Lawson.
Thriving Autistic Adult Series
I thought since this is another basic area that we all need to learn I would draw attention to a book I read about this on Blinkist. Mrs Hinch’s Hinch yourself happy. This is an advertising campaign that started appearing all of a sudden when I went shopping for cleaning materials. There was never any explanation that I saw in the form of adverts for who this Mrs Hinch was or why she was so good at cleaning. She certainly wasn’t a celebrity like Kim and Aggie Woodburn became with her own reality tv show. So the conclusion I came to was she was a housewife who had just gone viral through the use of social media. This is what the book, which I came across later, more or less says. Authenticity is the key here I believe. She believed in herself and became a star.
Part of My basics for living well as an adult with autism series
When thinking about the scientific method of cooking detailed by Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat I came across some notes that I made for myself about the basics of savoury and sweet cooking. Knowing that I have a butterfly mind it’s good to know that I had the sense to record the knowledge I had then.
I had previously done it with card games that I learnt at sixth form but the instructions were not explicit enough. I could no longer remember how the games were played and with there being no one around anymore, the paper was useless.
Anyone can cook they just have to be taught in the correct way. This seems applicable to any skill in the world. It can be broken down into its parts and then when they have been learnt, reassembled to create many different things.
I feel like I’m finding my way finally after being lost in the wilderness for many years. I tried many avenues after my initial purpose of being a computer programmer was thwarted by unforeseen events. It’s really nice to be in a good place like I am right now. Yes I’ve had a lot of anxiety and indecision about plans made and unmade but that’s life. I’m learning to roll with its punches.
Just like my earlier post In praise of wine, it sometimes takes a novice to learn all the necessary requisite skills of an activity, to be able to explain them to others in an easily digestible manner.
She has a 4 part Netflix series which I watched over Christmas as it gave me insights into Mexican cuisines use limes and sour oranges (acid), The Japanese obsession with the sea (salt), The Italian love of dried meats (fat) and her own life as an American immigrant from Iran. (heat).
There is also a Blinkist book which I read this afternoon that gives some scientific explanation for the use of different elements in cooking. She explains why
- Middle Eastern cooks love salt to an unhealthy degree (not just the climate),
- why vegetarian cooking takes some re-education (fat is flavour),
- why white wine or tomatoes are counted as a cooking acid where as lemon juice is a garnishing acid
- and why we love crispy food (heat).
I have just received her cookbook in the post from Amazon and it’s a veritable textbook! It’s at least an inch thick so it’s certainly a distillation of all other knowledge that she has gained while working as a professional chef in America.
I like cookbooks that go into depth about the why things happen rather than just assuming you know all of the kitchen tricks already. When girls left school during my parents era they were given a book that detailed how to do all the different dishes that were commonly eaten them as well as advice about the ingredients. This was to back up the domestic science lessons that they had received. It helped them to run the household a lot smoother. While this was patriarchal, gender equality wasn’t present then. It did however allow women the skills to perform to the best of their ability.
I think we have lost something essential by stopping teaching cooking in schools. I don’t have the innate knowledge that has been passed down from generations or a handy cookbook to assist me to run my own life. I think it would benefit all students if they had such a book. Good mental health comes from good food and the knowledge that you can look after yourself on a budget. With this in mind I have decided to make this a part of a series on things that an autistic adult needs to survive in the world. When there mind is calm then they can contribute there brilliance to the world whatever it may be.
I has just finished Cork Dork by Bianca Bosker on Blinkist and it made me think of the wine tasting I had been on when I was on the cruise in the Canary Islands and the many wine tastings that I had attended in Greece. They do all follow the same guidelines of
- Observing the colour of the wine,
I hadn’t until I read this considered not only the restaurant etiquette of ladies before men and guests before hosts working in a clockwork manner but the job that the sommelier (wine waiter) has to achieve of balancing his guests desires with the food that they are ordering.
Many of us don’t know what we want to drink as we are not well practiced in the subtle nuances that are present in wine. There are so many variants possible like vintages, varieties, the infamous terroir. It’s mind blowing the combinations that are possible but it is the job of the sommelier to know all of this while also being able to walk and talk while not spilling a drop. That’s quite an ask so respect your bar staff next time you see them.
- Swirling the glass to check the viscosity of the liquid – the more slowly it drops down the glass the better the quality,
- The smell of the wine to appreciate its aroma – this builds appetite for the wine to come,
- The tasting of the wine by sipping – allowing it to run all over your mouth so that all areas of your tongue can appreciate the liquid and finally
- The mouthfeel of the wine itself – is it light, medium or full bodied.
I thought since drinking alcohol is such a big part of being an adult this needed to be included in the Thriving Autistic Adult Series
I’ve just realised that as much as I enjoy listening to the songs by Giorgios Sabanis and especially his Logia pou Kaine (Words that burn) album; I haven’t the faintest idea what he is talking about upon reading the English translations – Giorgios Sabanis lyric translations.
I’ve listened to the lyrics as he has sung them with accompanying written lyrics, even reading them at the same time but there meaning seems to have slipped my mind. I’ve watched the videos to his songs and thought that I had intuited the meaning since there are generally evocative and seem to go well with the song but I haven’t grasped the finer points in the slightest.
This should make me depressed but I see it as another aspect of autism. It is after all a social communication disorder. It took until I was a teenager to start to get the finer points of socialising in English so you could look upon my progress in Greek as though I am a teenager again. If I have to do this with every language I want to learn it’s going to be one painful nightmare repeated over and over again. I really hope this isn’t necessary. The emotional growth is nice but does it have to be so painful each time?
My heart stopped with you
This is a song that immediately struck me the first time I heard it. It’s a pop/ rock song but it’s also strangely calming as it’s streamlined. I’ve listened to it countless times and I thought I understood the lyrics as they are quite passionate and evoke your emotions. I therefore thought I knew what the song was about because his speech is relatively clear and distinct. To me it was about love but an all encompassing love that disables you from functioning. It describes the feeling when you are head over heels for someone and it’s just like a bolt from the blue as we say to explain something completely unexpected.
While this is not completely the theme of the song upon reading the actual lyrics, it never occurred to me before despite the fact I have most likely looked up this song before and I’ve certainly tried to analyse its content. I have been passively watching and listening to songs for years with an inkling of their meaning from the emotions that I perceived from the videos but they haven’t been correct. I need to translate the words to get the full picture. My arrogance at my own ability and my naïveté have probably both contributed to this. Plus being selfish and not allowing anyone to critique me as I was too emotional and sensitive myself. I didn’t have enough life experience or emotional maturity to comprehend the message of the song.
The song explains that love is blind as the guy is still stuck on his ex. He can’t get over her as much as he wants to as there are still so many reminders of their relationship. He is still wondering what he has done to lose her. He wants to get back with her as he still loves her and thinks that this will stop the pain he is feeling. He is becoming bitter towards the end and wants to cut out all trace of her from him.That’s certainly different to usual and no wonder I never picked that up.
Have you ever had that before?
I was astonished recently when watching a program on an American television channel about how well the Parthenon was constructed. They understood so many things to construct the perfect temple. What’s more is they did it without a plan and in 9 years. The current renovation which the program covers has taken at least 30 because they had to correct previous fixes which were done incorrectly. They also had to figure out how they built it in the first place because there is very little records bar other temples.
Each piece of the temple is unique so it’s like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Each piece can only fit in one place. Slotting it all together is a big task for anyone to complete. The team decided to put the temple back into order as it stands without trying to restore it to a previous era as that would destroy its beauty and make it look unbalanced.
Do you have any wonders if the world near you?