Autistic Masking, Late Diagnosis, and Dissociation: The Toll It Takes on Autistic Mental Health

The best article I’ve seen about what it feels like to grow up as an undiagnosed autistic woman.

Autistic Science Person

CW: Gaslighting, self-harm, intrusive thoughts

(Long Post, Summary/Conclusion paragraph at the end)

This blog post came about after having a dissociation episode after watching Westworld a few nights ago. This post has helped me realize the reason and cause of my dissociation, likely from being an undiagnosed autistic person for 25 years of my life.

The Undiagnosed Autistic Life

Imagine all your life, you’ve been told that you just seem a “little” off. Just, you know, a little different. When you give your opinions, you’re either ignored, or simply told it’s “not a big deal” when you were not trying to complain, you were trying to collaborate. Whatever you do, whatever you say, is annoying, is rude, is unimportant, is inappropriate. Other people make excuses for you. “Oh you know, that’s just how she is. She’s just a bit different from the rest of us.”

GIF of the mother in Fantastic Mr. Fox talking to her son: "I know what it's like to feel, different." as she is wiggling her hands. GIF of the mother in…

View original post 1,877 more words

Lockdown art

Since here in the UK the lockdown is only just starting to be eased with shops opening, social distancing being reduced and the ability to see friends and family through bubbles I thought I would show some of my art that I have made recently.

Lefkás inspired ones followed by Coronavirus inspired ones and pictures of the area.A boat on the lagoon in Lefkáda

A boat on the lagoon in Lefkáda

A boat by the shore in Lefkáda

A boat by the shore in Lefkáda

A beach in Lefkáda

A beach in Lefkáda
A collection of dystopian, coronavirus and loss inspired artwork
A collection of dystopian, corona virus and loss inspired artwork

The sporting events that didn’t happen in 2020

The sporting events that didn’t happen in 2020

The news cycle of spring 2020

The news cycle of spring 2020
The house
The house

A lake view with pier and bridge

A lake view with pier and bridge

The house with next door chicken farm

The house with next door chicken farm

Another view of the lake by the swing

Another view of the lake by the swing

The lake and the house

The lake and the house

Emotional Quotient EQ vs IQ

In some ways IQ and EQ are opposites for if you have a high IQ like I was tested with, you also have a low EQ which I certainly had.

This is another reason why English Woman love Greek Men because there EQ is significantly higher than English Men. English people are taught to hide their emotions yet that just causes more problems. The Mediterranean nations express the emotions and so are healthier for it. There diet and climate are also better but because they are family focused which is how it should be they are poorer.

We focus on business and trade but at a time like this we are the poorer ones. We don’t have many family members to look out for or to look after us if we need help getting the shopping etc.

I come from a very emotionally cold family so when I tried to interact with the world I couldn’t understand the warmth that other people had. I didn’t know what it meant so I flew like a moth to a flame to the emotionally distant as they were calming in an emotionally overwhelming world.

The opposite is also true as your attracted to those that give you attention. Those are precisely the people you need to be aware of. If you know what a person wants then you can understand them. You can also use them for your own ends without them realising because they are too emotionally immature. This is the harsh world that I was now immersed in. I’ve tried to learn to navigate it but the pathways are just so numerous. I’ve been yearning for connection for so long but never finding the right ones.

So I did what you might expect and disconnected myself to try to discover what was so fundamentally wrong with me that I couldn’t establish meaningful connections with people and have conversations that made my soul sing.

However in disconnecting you also lose any chance of finding that needle in the haystack.

I will establish myself once more in the world as I understand myself better now but I also know that as soon as those hormones come calling I will have a fight on my hands once more to retain my intelligence in the face of nature.

5 Ideas To Help You Refresh Your Greek Speaking Skills And Build Your Confidence

When Ana moved to Athens, she was excited. She couldn’t wait to meet new people, wander around the city, absorb every second of her new life there. She was prepared to face the challenges: different language, culture, mentality. New habits, new rhythm and way of life. Ana spoke some Greek already …

Source: 5 Ideas To Help You Refresh Your Greek Speaking Skills And Build Your Confidence

Here are some links to help you speak Greek :

  • Best wishes
  • Angela
  • Gerald Durrell English Zoologist 1925-1995

    I came across this passage in a book I received as a school prize and I’ve only just rediscovered it.

    As you can see Gerry is well written like his older brother Lawrence Durrell. They were life long friends even though you may not get that idea from the TV show The Durells. Because of his prowess with animals and the profound effect he has had on the world of conservation, he was awarded an OBE (order of the British empire). He founded DICE which is the Durrell institute of conservation and ecology.

    Gerry has written many books but I haven’t been able to get hold of any so far. The above passage is from My Family and other animals which is slightly autobiographical. 2 of his other books that form the Corfu trilogy are also autobiographical in nature. Birds, beasts and relatives along with the Garden of the Gods.

    I have been recommended to read him especially Bats in the Belfry, based on comments that have been left when I wrote about the articles I mentioned earlier. So when I get the opportunity to I will indulge. I think Amazon is going to be my best bet here. It’s how I acquired most of my Lawrence Durrell books so far.

    Theodore Stephanides (wiki link for personal details) who is Gerry’s friend, tutor and fellow botanist also played a big part in his life. He features in Lawrence’s Prospero’s Cell and Henry Miller‘s The Colossus of Maroussi. I have also written an article about Theodore Stephanides as he is the answer to another question that I was asked and at that time I couldn’t answer him.

    It’s amazing how I start writing about one thing and I follow the trail that is made and it ends up becoming a rabbit hole with many offshoots in which one can become lost in. My posts are becoming an interconnected web of life in the 1920s and 30’s.

    He is the Fifth part of the foreigners series who are interested in Greece:

    1. Lawrence Durrell
    1. Virginia Woolf
    1. Henry Miller
    1. Lord Byron

    Other series include Greek Poets, Painters, Authors, Musicians, Famous Greeks, and Rural Villages in Lefkás. All the links can be found here Series links.

    Best wishes

    Here are his specific personal details. Gerald Durrell

    Best wishes

    Angela

    Henry Miller

    He was friends with Lawrence Durrell and an inspiration to him. They had a life long friendship upon meeting and he was also another prolific writer. He wrote novels, poetry and plays of the slightly scandalous variety. At least by 1930’s standards anyway.

    His most famous works are Tropic of Cancer, Tropic of Capricorn and The Colossus of Maroussi which was written about the couple of years he spent in Greece with Lawrence Durrell in the 1930’s.

    I haven’t actually read any of his work nor do I have any copies of it. However for a man who had to publish in France because his work was banned in the USA and England until at least the 1960’s due to the provocative content. With some not even being published until after his death in 1980; this isn’t surprising. His work isn’t in circulation as much due to its risqué content and his first novel has never been published.

    For details by someone who is more familiar with his work read Cristian Milai’s article here Henry Miller.

    Here are the details of Miller’s personal life.Henry Miller.

    He is part of my series of articles on writers that are connected in some way to Greece.

    Lawrence Durrell

    Virginia Woolf

    Lord Byron

    Eva Palmer-Sikelianos

    Other series include Greek Poets, Authors, Musicians, Famous Greeks, Rural Villages in Lefkás and Foreigners who have become interested and or benefited Greece in some ways. All the links can be found here Series links.

    Best wishes

    Angela

    Mystery blogger award

    The “Mystery Blogger Award” rules are as follows:

    1. Put the award logo/image on your blog
    2. List the rules
    3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
    4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
    5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
    6. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
    7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
    8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
    9. Share a link to your best post(s)

    I would also like to thank Okoto Enigma, creator of “Mystery Blogger Award.”  Okoto’s blog can be found here.

    What Is the Mystery Blogger Award?

    “Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.

    – Okoto Enigma

    I would like to thank Bogdan (DM) of Pointless Overthinking https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/90611393

    for A) nominating me for this award and B) asking me to write for him.

    Three things about myself doesn’t even begin to describe who I am but I am

    1.Unique which is a very good thing as you wouldn’t want to be me trust me on this

    2. Autistic hence I say things that the average person doesn’t which can be quite troublesome at times

    3.English which is kind of indicated by the fact I am the https://www.amazon.co.uk/l/B01G9629BG?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1554286028&redirectedFromKindleDbs=true&ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&rfkd=1&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&sr=8-1

    English Introvert but I will pretend to be many others things when it suits me like Greek.

    For my nominations I have the following candidates

    a) Weiss – Nix,https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/86250983

    b) Mathias Sager,https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/66247424

    c)EfiSoul 63,https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/33969786

    d)Kalliope,https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/93574682

    e)A.noymous,https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/91253725

    f)Don Massenzio, https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/24176271

    g)Accidental Blogger,https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/93934389

    h)The Mind of RD Revilo, https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/36908700

    i)Breakaway individual, https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/89907265

    j)Eldhiya Ghaits.https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/91860319

    Now is time for the questions:-

    i)Why did you decide to start blogging in the first place?

    ii)Do you have a plan for your blog?

    iii)How much time do you devote to your blog?

    iv)What has made you happiest so far about your blog?

    v)What would you like to change/improve to make your blog better?

    The answers to the questions that I was asked:-

    What would you sacrifice so your dreams can come true?

    Compromises are always necessary in life as we simply don’t have the time, energy or motivation to achieve everything that needs to be done. So we are always sacrificing something regardless of whether we want to or not. The choice here is to change the dynamic so that you are choosing what gets left by the wayside, not the universe and everything else.

    What is your relationship with pain?

    I have been through a near fatal car accident, a force 5 hurricane, experienced a fire, earthquake tremours, floods and powercuts. I also get bad monthly pains so I’m used to it but I don’t like it. I think I have a strong pain threshold but I’m yet to experience the ultimate ie childbirth.

    What type of behaviour do you consider weird?

    I am an extraordinarily weird person so you have to do something quite shocking and unusual to make me think you are weird. On the other hand things which you find normal I may find weird simply because its different from what I am used to.

    How does your writing help others?

    Well I would hope that it assists others to lead better lives and to have more understanding of the breadth of diversity that is currently out there in the world.

    What is the funniest dream you have ever had?

    I very rarely remember my dreams but the one that sticks in my memory is when I dreamt about giving birth to a black baby and since the mind can’t comprehend a pain it hasn’t experienced yet, it was completely painless so very bizarre.

    Finally some of my blog posts

    https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/beyondtheenglishintrovert.com/38

    https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/beyondtheenglishintrovert.com/111

    https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/beyondtheenglishintrovert.com/131

    Thankyou for reading this massive post

    Angela

    Πώς τα πας; Τα έμαθες; How to use these everyday Greek phrases?

    If your at a more advanced level with your Greek this post will help you sound more natural and less like all of your learning came from a book, app or cd

    what would you like to achieve with your language learning goals if you have any?

    best wishes

    angela

    Imagine you’re strolling along the street in Athens, a lovely sunny day of Spring… A lady is standing on the sidewalk. She chats with her friend who’s sitting at her little geranium-filled balcony. You can’t help but overhear their chat: – Τα έμαθες; Η ανιψιά μου πήγε στην Αμερική. Στο καλύτερο

    Source: Πώς τα πας; Τα έμαθες; How to use these everyday Greek phrases?

    Return of Spring: Return of Persephone

    A beautiful piece about the return of spring and lots of Greek to practice on too!

    ΕfiSoul63


    .

    Spring Equinox

    55492945_1132767043562456_1193309525927526400_nΛεπτομέρεια από τον πίνακα του Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema,(1836-1912) “Εαρινή ισημερία” , 1894.

    In ancient times, the spring equinox marks the time of the return of the goddess Persephone from the Underworld. Persephone is the daughter of Demeter, goddess of the earth and, at the fall equinox, she descends downward into the Underworld to visit with the dead.

    In her absence, Demeter searches in vain for her daughter, and becomes consumed by grief, causing all of the earth to wither and die.  The gods later intervene, bringing Persephone back up from the Underworld to reunite with her mother at spring time, thus the blossoming of the earth anew. Grecian history marks the story of

    View original post 287 more words

    Cassandra Complex in the Apollo World: The Plight of the INFP

    More psychology that’s rooted in Greek myths.

    Scherezade's Labyrinth

    Yesterday, was interesting because I learned something new. Well, it’s been around for years but it’s new to me. First, I want to tell you about me and discussions.

    I like to have meaningful discussions, trade information back and forth, but I loathe arguing. I can’t stand it, and will shut down if backed into a corner. If I’m imprisoned in said corner, then I go for the jugular. It’s not pretty. If you send for me, best believe you’re going to get Me. Why am I like this? Because growing up, I had to keep my opinions to myself, even when that person was wrong. It was rude to correct an adult. But what if they were wrong? I wasn’t flaunting my intelligence, but I was more on the lines of helping them out.

    When in school, I kept my opinions to myself for fear of back lash from…

    View original post 1,116 more words

    Lyric Love, Translation and Transformation

    Lyric Love, Translation and Transformation

    Lyric Love, Translation and Transformation
    — Read on sententiaeantiquae.com/2019/02/15/lyric-love-translation-and-transformation-2/

    Another Greek perspective on love this time from the famous Sappho who was said to live on Lefkás for a short period of time.

    I have just watched Love and Life – Sappho on Lesbo. This is a bbc 4 program with Dr Margaret Mountford. It details some of the new evidence that has come to light about Sappho and gives a much richer view of her life than we had previously gained. It also unpeeled some of the ancient jokes that have been written about her and treated as facts. Quite informative in its content it’s shows how our perception of her and women in general has morphed quite dramatically over the centuries.

    Any there any relatively unknown female empowerment figures lurking in your culture?

    Best wishes

    Angela

    When You’re Stuck

    Excellent ideas here.

    Writing My Heart Out

    Have you ever been stuck at same place?

    Where you lost motivation to move further?

    Where you can’t stop overthinking?

    Where you couldn’t find any way out?

    I’m sure you have. Actually I’m stuck right now at a same place where I can’t see any way out.

    But don’t worry , till the end of this post I’m sure I’ll find a way. And you’ll too.

    What Does Getting Stuck Actually Mean?

    I’ll try to explain it with the help of an example. Suppose you are studying for an upcoming exam. You are preparing for it from past few months consistently. But then suddenly you lost consistency & got distracted. And you are not able to get back to your previous schedule of studying.

    This situation where you can’t find a way to get out of a negative situation is called as Getting stuck.

    So how to get out of…

    View original post 556 more words

    What’s a Muse?

    Some more thoughts on how to gain inspiration which is always useful.

    irevuo

    muse

    In Greek Mythology there were nine goddesses who were considered to be the source of inspiration for arts, science, and stuff like that.

    Nowadays the term kind of describes a person who inspires an artist. Kind of.

    We artists find inspiration in the most unlikely of places (or situations.) It’s not just other works of art that inspire us to create art, but also places, events, people.

    But I’ve always considered a muse to be more than all that.

    View original post 374 more words

    Language Beyond Communication

    Absolutely brilliant.

    Beyond Bounds

    When one thinks of language, one’s mind generally shifts to its ability to let us communicate with one another, whether it is to express our feelings, to inform, or to direct. But language is often taken for granted; we rarely talk about its significance or think about what it can offer beyond communication, possibly because it doesn’t exist physically and we don’t see it. It is something that we are heavily dependent on, as it is an important tool to survive. 

    It’s true that language is a symbolic system that combines words and concepts to help us interact with one another and deliver a certain message. However, the Whorfian hypothesis claims that the semantics of a particular language influences and limits the perceptions of its speakers. For centuries, it has been debated by various linguistics and regarded as a highly controversial topic. Although language does not necessarily shape thoughts, it…

    View original post 613 more words